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That sounds like the title of a Raymond Carver short story (in fact it probably is actually!) Now, I have to say at the start that it’s not that I don’t like you guys coming around late at night, or any of my sensual massage friends of course; we’re more than happy to see you. But there are a few things you would do well to remember.

Whilst I don’t do really late bookings, the term “late” is very subjective isn’t it? Most of my sensual massage friends have apartments in buildings where others live, and some of their neighbours may have a different idea of what “late” really is. I actually stop answering the phone at a certain time, usually when I know that the other girls aren’t taking any more bookings, but this can be as late as 22.00-23.00 at night.

Keep it down

I speak for all the girls when I say, please keep the noise down. I know that it can be tricky getting up and down the stairs etc. and finding where you’re supposed to go. This is especially so if you’re excessively tired or you’ve had a couple of drinks after work. But you really do have to watch out for slamming doors and things like that. My neighbours, and the neighbours of my sensual massage friends, do not appreciate being woken or disturbed at a late hour.

Your behaviour

No, singing or shouting if you’ve had a little to drink, please. In fact, if you’ve had too much, just don’t bother coming at all. I don’t want you knocking on the wrong flat door or pressing random buzzers because you can’t see what you are doing. This is not good for business, and you’re not going to get anything out of your sensual massage anyway if you’re steaming drunk. On top of all that, the girl you go to see is going to be pissed off!